I was in a cab today on my way to Raffles Place, and I had the unfortunate luck of being accosted by an overzealous, chatty, probably partially deaf taxi driver. The following exchange, please note, is not meant in any derogatory way against any racial minority groups in Singapore - I’m just quoting verbatim the ridiculous conversation I had.

taxi driver (TD): xiao jie, ni yao zai na li ting che ah? (miss, where would you like to alight?)
me: erm, the MRT please?

[I understand mandarin perfectly well, but make a point to not speak it since my mandarin sucks so badly I'm bound to be misunderstood and anyway I belong to the camp that believes service staff should speak English.]

TD: eh. you chinese or malay har?
me: erm.. half chinese. not malay.
TD: oh. but you understand chinese ah?
me: er yeah, but I don’t speak it very well.
TD: orhhh.. cos i look at you i dunno if you chinese or malay lah.
me: mmm.
TD: ‘cos you look chinese lah. you don’t look malay. but your skin colour a bit darker so i thought maybe malay. but then you don’t speak with the malay accent. you also don’t have the malay slang.
me: yeah, i’m not malay.
TD: yah that’s why! but then har how come you don’t speak with the malay slang then you talk also don’t have malay accent one?
me: er.. because I’m not malay?
TD: YAH but then you don’t speak with the malay accent and you talk don’t have the malay slang lah! that’s why I confused.
me: yes, I’m not malay. [getting very tired of this.]
TD: YA! ‘cos no malay accent lah! no malay slang also.
me: …

TD: so miss. you want to stop where?
me: MRT please.

Not that I have anything against being malay, but er… I’m just not malay!