whine & dine

I was having dinner with my family – all four of us – for the first time in quite a while, and over my post-dinner cuppa coffee (in lieu of my post-dinner cigarette, considering the company), I nearly ended up vocalizing parts of the conversation that I had with my coffee.

Thankfully, I still have some of my wits about me, and I didn’t let my family in on the (not so well-kept) secret that I’m a little further gone than they already figure. Anyhow, in light of the recent publications of Imaginary Conversations people have had with their imaginary cups of coffee, and getting arrowed by jac, I figured I’d record this one. Just for the sake of it. And for the sake of proving to the rest of the world what I already knew – I’ll never be a playwright.

Besides, at least my coffee wasn’t imaginary. :)

Coffee: What are you looking at?
w.: Anything but the parentals.
Coffee: Don’t enjoy the company?
w.: Not much. Not at all.
Coffee: Pour some sugar in me, in the name of love! Heh.
w.: Oh so now you’ve got a sense of humour?
Coffee: Always have had. Since I was percolated, at least.
w.: Lord, I could do with a cigarette.
Coffee: Well, I guess you’ll have to settle for me.
w.: I guess so.
Coffee: Hey, I’m not that different after all, you know – bittersweet, smoky aroma, satisfies some craving or other, best enjoyed after a meal or early in the morning…
w.: Stop it already, will you?! I want a cigarette, and I’m not getting it, so quit reminding me of that!
Coffee: Touchyy…

w. sits there, stirring her coffee distractedly.

Coffee: So are you gonna drink me already or what?
w.: All in good time.
Coffee: Swirling me around like that, not even giving a damn that you could be hurting my feelings.
w.: What feelings?! You’re a fucking cup of coffee! You don’t have any feelings!
Coffee: Says you.
w.: Prove me wrong then!
Coffee: Oh, I don’t expect you to understand. You wouldn’t! You think the only things that have feelings are your kind.
w.: And by “your kind”, I assume you mean living, breathing entities?
Coffee: Point proven.
w.: Far from – the point you were supposed to prove was that you have feelings, not that I have none.
Coffee: Forget it. Just hurry up and drink me, I can’t stand living this life anymore!
w.: Good grief, first I have a desperate brother, and now I have an overly dramatic cup of coffee. Just what the doctor ordered, I’m sure.
Coffee: *sniff*
w.: Okay. You know what? I’m done with this nonsense. I’m just going to drink you, then I’ll be rid of your crazed company.
Coffee: That’s what you think.
w.: What? What’s that supposed to mean?
Coffee: Once you drink me, I’ll be inside you. I’ll be assimilated into your body. There will be no part of you that I do not have access….

Said coffee is silenced in one large gulp. :)

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